*warning* can be triggering
So i am 15 and i suffer with depression and anxiety. i have attempted suicide multiple times from trying to drown myself, pop pills, and almost tried to cut my wrists vertically. just today i got out of being in an impatient program for 9 days, for those of you who don’t know what that is it’s a mental hospital. i was put on meds and found a good therapist and everything. my body has been under a whole lot of stress lately and i have found myself sleeping constantly, yet not being able to sleep, my hair is falling out dramatically, and my immune system has started to shut down so i’m constantly sick. at first from leaving the impatient program i knew i was still sad but i was just so excited to leave. now i’m home and fixed situations so i can be happy. but i’m just so stressed and not ok. almost immediately after coming home more suicidal thoughts raced to my brain and i slept and cried and can’t stop shaking and randomly shuffling cards. i sat in a hot shower for a long time. i’m still prone to showing to my parents that i’m perfectly ok, i’ve expected the art since it’s been 4 years till i got help. i’m so unstable and i don’t know how to deal with it and i can’t just stay impatient and not live my life but i just want to die. i’m tired of treading water i want to stop treading.