I lie in bed, next to his emotionless body and all I can do is feel. They say you eat for two when you are with child, but similarly it often seems I feel for two when I am with him. It is a burden heavy to lift, I always assumed it would be easier with an extra set of hands however this is not what fate dealt. Instead the load is heavier now then ever, splitting my fingernails as I carry the bolder on which he sits. How can this be, I ask myself as a sigh of anguish meets my chest. All day I lie in wait, nay in excitement just for mere sharing of conversation with him. I sat doe eyed smoking my last cigarette as the moon rose up to wave hello, all the while the only thing I was really longing for was the warm smile on his rugged face. Finally as the chill of an early December night began to set in and hope was almost lost, I saw two circular beams of light. Alas, he was here. All at once giddy feelings rushed from the pits of my stomach into a hot air balloon of joy which expanded across my face in the form of a grin. Though I had been sitting in a house all day, it was not until my hand had finally reached into his, I thought, I am home. All is well, when all is well though. It is one thing to be happy when your lover is happy but another to be happy when they are not. To be happy when your lover is not, is not to be misunderstood in saying one is happy because the other is not but instead when one is distraught to still be happy that you are in unity with each other regardless the situation. This so often is lacking in couples now days, and I fear still yet in my own. Much like the early December wind chilling to the skin, stinging my flesh when I waited on him, also too are his words that turn to ice the moment I need him most. When you stand on ice even if you were leary in trusting its stability in the first place, it still shocks you when it cracks and you are submerged in the cold. I tried and tried to bundle up in warm clothes to protect myself and ignore the ice, ignore the cold, but I always remember just how painful it is every time I fall in the water. So while he lie in peace in quiet surrounded by the comfort that must come with no feeling, I sit frozen enable to breath gasping for help from a hand that is not awake.