anencephaly

I’m 20 weeks and 4 days and we found out our baby has anencephaly.

Anencephaly is a serious birth defect in which a baby is born without parts of the brain and skull. It is a type of neural tube defect (NTD). As the neural tube forms and closes, it helps form the baby’s brain and skull (upper part of the neural tube), spinal cord, and back bones (lower part of the neural tube).

My baby girl has very little skull formation and a majority of her brain has not developed. From what multiple doctors have told me (yes I got 3 opinions in the last 3 days. Fetal specialists will make time for high risk patients) they have all confirmed the lethal diagnosis. I was given multiple options, one being abortion. I would never kill a baby with a heartbeat. She may not have a brain or a very long life expectancy, but she is so active and alive!

I’m so heartbroken. I am trying to tell myself I need to cherish these moments, but I’m hurting so bad. I’ve spent probably 50-60 hours in the last 3 days in bed. I have severe depression and anxiety. Outside of seeing the doctors and picking my sons up from school, I’ve cried and slept. My husband is angry (not at me!) he doesn’t blame me, but I do. I hate my body and myself so bad!

On a normal ultrasound the left would show a nice profile, facial features. Since my little girl has no skull, it looks like this.