Okay, so I love this boy. I finally feel like I am really starting to love this baby boy. I honestly didnt know if it was ever going to happen.

The first three months were a living hell. the amount of times I threw up were so countless by week 12, I honestly thought I was on my deathbed.. I had eaten so little that my bones began popping out of all my bends. my elbows were sharp and pointy, cheek bones protruding prominently, and my fingers appeared so fraile, they might snap if I curled them up! I felt like a skeleton!

My mentality was distorted, dehydrated and malnourished. I had been so sick, that I was in a complete mental abyss. I wanted everything to stop. the vomiting, the fears, the pregnancy.

"What if I really was dying?" I'd ask myself. Is there anyway this can be stopped? I questioned what my options were. Did I even have any options? My suffering led to some horrific thoughts that night...

As time passed, and the sickness eased, I began to eat and recover. By week 20, I felt far better physically than I had since discovering I was pregnant. I was still getting sick, but it was less intense, less frequent, and more productive. My vomiting regimen was becoming a part of who I was. A habit that I knew was going to come, but not when.

I didn't love my boy much at that time. I was at peace that if any complications arose, that I would mourn his loss but not be carried down by it.

I'm now 30 weeks pregnant. I'm STILL getting sick but it has lessened even more to only a few times a night. Ive been eating more, gained 25 beautiful pounds, and am mentally recovering. These next 10 weeks are my last hurdle over conquering this pregnancy sickness.

There is still much to do and learn in the time to come but now that I've been healing more and more each day, I'm able to see that this boy is a sweet little gift to me by my husband and our God. I am thinking clearer and have more hope for whats to come.

...

Don't give up.

You are not a bad mother.

You CAN do this.

Do not worry!

It will be over soon.

It IS a gift!