This baby was so planned and wanted. I was told at 19, I would never he able to conceive. My husband and I wanted a family so badly. 14 months of trying one miscarriage and infertility medication and now we are expecting. I am 16 weeks. This was all we both ever dreamed of for our future.

I have the worst guilt for how I do not feel attached to this baby growing in me. I have been so nauseated throwing up constipated dehydrated. I feel as all I do is cry. I have a pain condition and have had to stop all pain treatment. So I am also in constant agony.

Everyone around me is so thrilled I feel like I am faking my happy emotions because that is what I am supposed to do. When reality I feel so worn down and horrible.

We decided to not find out gender. Then due to unexpected money issues we have nothing done or ready for baby. I just have this guilt this baby will come and I still will not have bonded with it. It is absolutely terrifying me.

I haven't spoken of this to anyone. I don't want to feel judged or shame. I have so much guilt for my feelings.