I won’t go into details but...

The past two years I’ve been with him.

We started as FWB, as I was a freshman in college while he was a senior and graduating in a few months. He pressured me to loose my virginity to him after I first met him. He knew I was one too. Two days later he texted me saying “I love my baby girl”

After a month he made me fuck my best guy friend. He got pissed at me after because he thought I had fucked him before and stopped talking to me for a day. We were still FWB.

After another couple of months he pressured me to start dating guys. I went on a date and fucked a guy and never told him until that summer after we had started dating. He accused me of cheating, though we weren’t together at the time.

Over the summer he talked me into starting a relationship with him and his brother, who I’m not even sure is real anymore.

I ended up breaking up with him at the end of the summer after he set up a for some with another guy and girl and abused me out of the group chat saying I was a terrible sub and asking why I couldn’t be more like her, as she was constantly sending videos to the chat and I couldn’t as I was movie back to college. He kept on praising her as well.

In November I got back with him. He swore up and down he had changed and for a while I believed him, everything went well.

And then this year it went to hell.

July came and he suddenly disappeared. I became suicidal and when I finally got better he came back. He said that his mother had passed and he tried killing himself and his dad made him go to therapy. I was there the whole time trying to talk to him and be there but he wouldn’t open up, never did. In August I almost died and he didn’t care. End of August he made me fuck a stranger. He abandoned me on my birthday, made me fuck a stranger a well after, and last Wednesday made me fuck another man. He’s fucked me three times in that span, maybe four. He lives 15 mins away. Whenever things got hard he’d just disappear. The amount of men I have had sex with to please him makes me sick, the pictures he’d make me post on tumblr makes me vomit. He ruined me and broke me yet I still love him.

Wednesday night he just disappeared after I fucked the guy. Just today he finally texted back saying he didn’t want to lead me on.

ALL THESE MONTHS HES TALKED ALL ABOUT MARRIAGE AND CHILDREN

I hate I love him and I hate I want a future with this man

He says he can’t be with me because his family doesn’t approve and go through his phone.

My mother threatened to pull me outta college if she found out I was still with him. She put a tracker on my phone, I STILL would try.

He always wanted more and more from me but I couldn’t even have a picture of him. I feel like I’m too broken for anyone but him now so I just keep trying to be with him