Should i tell him when baby is born?

Question

I’m 33 (f) expecting my 1st baby soon, actually he’s late, with a fwb (29).
He wanted an abortion but didn’t fight me about it. Over the months he’s ‘checked in’ , seen my belly grow every single month.
He’s not ready to father a child & especially not with me.
We Netflix n chill but we don’t mention the baby.  Sometimes he brings it up. I’m secretly thrilled.
Do I tell this guy when the baby is born? I’m afraid of upsetting a grown man. I might ruin his Christmas. The whole thing makes him so depressed.
I don’t care that he missed scans / appointments, every single one. He seems more petrified than disinterested. Although also disinterested im sure.
He’s got the dates etc. He knows the baby is imminent. Do I let him know my son is born? The trend is he initiates contact & visits, if I do it 9 times out if 10 he ignores me.
I’d like him to one day know my son. I don’t want ‘you didn’t even tell me when he was born’ to be an excuse forever & ever amen. 
What’s the right thing to do here?
Thanks in advance

Answer

From my perspective, even if he is scared he should be open with you about that. It’s not fair for him to stop in when HE feels like it. I would tell him when the baby’s born, but also make it clear that if he is going to be involved then he needs to be present consistently. Not just when it’s convenient for him. I’m speaking from the perspective of seeing my niece grow up with her father “stopping in” when it was convenient for him and when he would disappear it was heartbreaking when my niece would ask why he didn’t want to stay/does he not love her. It seems like YOU want him to be there more than HE wants to be, but for the future of your baby you have to think about what’s best for him in the long run. 
Just be clear with him and get some solid answers, no guessing games allowed.

Answer

Been there, done that. The way I live with my choices is to think “what would my KID want me to do?” — I notified of birth not because the grown ass man child deserved it, but because if it was my dad, I would want to know that he had all the information. 
HAVING SAID THAT...
Spend some real, honest time coming to terms with *your* hangups about baby not knowing this man. He may never come around, and every time you thrust your child at him hoping to pique his interest, you risk hurting your son, and yourself. Baby’s 100% DO NOT “need” to be around biological parents who don’t care about them. No child is “better off” for being subjected to neglect from a parent. The sooner you believe that you are enough family for your boy, the better off he will be. 
There is no pain like watching your baby’s family not give a fuck about them and not being able to force them to come around. Do what you can to protect you and your son from that heartbreak. 
Also, fuck that guy’s feelings. 🙃 he’s a grown up, if he’s terrified of having babies he should be more diligent with birth control and/or not having sex. Full stop. You have enough to deal with, coddling his feelings need not be on your list.

Answer

Im not with my babys father at all. We broke up a couple days before i found out i was pregnant and when i told him i was he blocked me on everything but when i go into labor im still having mutual friends tell him its happening. He may not care or want to know but i still think he should know

Answer

Thanks so much for all your advice, appreciated 💙

Answer

My baby daddy for #1 blocked my number and me on Facebook until the last 2 months of my pregnancy, so I had the baby and didn't tell him until 4 days later. It was my bonding time with baby. He didn't want to be apart of the rest of it why be there for the hard/joyous part of becoming a parent. I wouldn't is what I'm saying. If he cares he'll ask.

Answer

First off sorry you have to deal with that stress and being pregnant at the same time! I would tell him if you are thinking about it. He’s obviously going to know the baby is coming so if you tell him you won’t have any regrets or wondering “what if” and ball is in his court. BUT if you don’t want to tell him and want to share that for yourself I see nothing wrong with that either!

Should i tell him when baby is born?

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