I did what...

I went out with a dude i like and a couple of his friends... everyone was joking around and having fun-goofing off. when everyone was getting ready to leave ‘J’ and i went to his truck and warmed up since it’s 39 degrees in florida right now.. we were talking and then he places his hand on my thigh and started to go up and i was like “take my fucking soul”

he unbutton my jeans which he struggled with so i was like “you uh want me to get it” and he lets out a cute nervous chuckle and said “yea”

he fingered me and let me tell youuuuuu, it wasn’t like anything i’ve had before so it felt wonderfulllllll. we were getting into it and by then everyone had left so it was us in a open field and he goes “take your shoes off” in my mind i was like “God please dont let my shoes stink” they were old converse sneakers bc i didn’t want to ruin my new white ones and he grabs my foot and i deadass thought he was going to lick it, so i was thinking “oh shit he’s into feet” and he places my foot on the other side of him. he looks up and looks at me in awe bc he had me feeling some kind of way. he slowly takes off of my jeans and my worst thought was “damn how tf am i going to get these back on in a damn truck”

i was feeling so nauseous and when he starts undoing his belt i was like “J, are you sure you wanna do this?” and he was like “i’m as sure as i’m ever gonna be, you ok?” and i’m in the passenger seat my head is swirling and i say, “you’re making me nervous (felt like it was my first time again, really did.) and i feel like i’m going to puke”

ok i really don’t know why i felt like it, i just figured it was the alcohol boiling in my stomach and it was getting hot so i ended up blue balling him bc i don’t suck dick. the way home was so quiet and me apologizing bc i didn’t want to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with bc he told me he wanted to wait for something special and i knew in my mind he wasn’t ready for it.

we pulled up at my house (11;45) and i looked over at him and said

me-“do you keep promises”

J- “have i broke one yet?”

me- “i reckon not”

J-“ what’s on your mind?”

me- “promise you’ll hang out with me again before i go back to school ( he’s a construction worker so he never gets free time and when he does he’s tired asf)

J- “Yes”

me- “one more thing” i jumped back into the truck and kissed him “so don’t break this one” 😭😭