I’ve never told anyone this story before. It will probably be pretty long just to warn you if you’re reading this.

When I was a sophomore in college I did an internship in a probation department as part of a graduation requirement. When I first started I was so nervous but one of the probation officers was really nice and any time I had a question he would help me out without making me feel like a complete idiot. We had a playful relationship where we would make fun of each other but we also talked a lot about my life and some pretty serious topics, so we became good friends quickly. It didn’t escape me that this guy was hot. You could tell from the way the female attorneys and probationers acted towards him that this wasn’t lost on anyone else either, and I found myself realizing I was extremely attracted to him. I knew he was older, I was 21 at the time, but I had assumed he was 29 or 30 at most. When I found out he was 40 it was like it only made me even MORE attracted to him. We became flirty and spent a lot of time together on lunch breaks and whatnot, but in the office so it wasn’t like it was anything scandalous.

I’m not entirely sure when our conversations turned sexual, but we were using one of those play with friends game apps and I think it let both of us open up a little about our attraction to one another. Even through all this (this was a 6 month internship), I wasn’t expecting anything more to come of it.

One day I was at his desk, which was very closed off in the corner of the office where no one could see. I was sitting on the desk and we were talking and he stood up. He looked up over the cabinets, presumably to see if anyone was around, and then walked towards me. I don’t remember what we were talking about at the time, but I’m sure it was something that would sound mundane to anyone else but was actually sexual. When he got to me he took my hand and placed it on his crotch, where I felt that he was so hard it was like he was going to burst through his pants. This whole interaction only lasted a few minutes before I scurried back to the front desk and he had to go to court.

Things like this continued and the tension grew. Finally towards the end of my time there we started discussing whether either of us would actually have sex with the other and how that would work, given that he had a young kid at home and I lived in a dorm with 3 roommates. We found a day that all of my roommates would be gone and he would be able to leave work early and made a plan that he would come to the school.

I honestly wasn’t expecting it to really happen until I got the “I’m here” text. I walked out to the dorm lobby to sign him in and my heart was pounding. We walked to my dorm suite and when we got into my room I locked the door just in case. I immediately began to feel juvenile with all my dorm decorations, but he didn’t seem to notice and asked if we were really doing this. I looked at him and knew I was all in, so I took my hand and placed it where he had a few times before. I felt like I needed him to be inside me immediately, and we proceeded to have sex. I don’t remember the actual sex being anything out of the ordinary, but the scenario and the build up made it that much better.

Once we were done we sat there for about an hour just talking like we normally did until he had to leave. The next day at work we went back to our playful joking around and talking but neither of us ever mentioned what had happened between us again. It was only that one time. We stayed in touch here and there but eventually lost contact, although 6 years later we are still FB friends.

Every now and then I think about those times sitting on his desk and the day we snuck him into my dorm room and I can just feel myself get wet. Ugh. Like I said I’ve never even told anyone about it and tonight I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I thought I would share.