I've been on a long ttc journey for 11 years, this year in May will be 12 years. I have plenty of nephews (10) will be 11 this month and 1 niece. So I stay pretty busy. In October when my sister had her 6th baby on the 11th, things were rocky bc she and the baby tested positive for drugs. In my gut I knew but she got by with it with all her babies, this time was different. I cut his embellical cord and we bonded immediately. He even stayed with me after the hospital. Fast forward and my sister loses custody and we go to court to get custody. It's been tough but I would do it over and over again. Ttc has been on the back burner but all I can think about the last few weeks is wanting my own, I know my sister won't get her kids back either. Now I'm scared that things will be weird like I'll love my nephews less if I do get pregnant or I'll resent my own baby bc there's already 5 living here. I'm kind of freaking out and idk if I'll even get pregnant. I love these boys more than my life but it scares me to think about stuff like that. I just need good stories or encouraging words to know what I feel is normal and that everything will be ok. I realize that maybe didn't make sense. My sister has 6 boys, last October my youngest nephew passed from AVM (burst blood vessel in his brain) at 9 months old. So I have the 5 of them that are living. Also I fear that my sister will get the baby back, for all of them but mainly him bc all he knows is me and my husband and like with any child they have their ways and things they like and I'm afraid my sister will get aggravated bc she can't do anything with him and hurt him or something. Sorry idk where to post this