I’m so emotional because my ex (his name is Tan) and I hung out again last night trying to rekindle what we have... He’s begged me for weeks just to see me one time because I told him we needed to move on; I’m tired of him never having time for me. However I gave in and last night he took me to dinner then we had a long talk about how I feel like the side chick because his entire family is dependent on him. His mom doesn’t work, his sister has two kids who she doesn’t know who the dad is, and his brother doesn’t work.

They’re all totally capable of working, except his mom. (He says his sister does work but he still treats her kids like his own.) His mom is sick but if she would simply sign the papers to divorce his dad she could get alimony and be set as his dad makes a lot of money. My ex offered to pay for her lawyer and everything, shes just stubborn and won’t do it. She thinks his dad is going to come home one day. (He left several years ago and now has another family of his own.) And she can’t get disability because she owes the state from being on disability from when she wasn’t actually sick.

Tan works so much that he never has time for anything. Every time he tries to make plans with me, he ends up crashing and sleeping for a full day because he is exhausted. No one should have to work that much just to support laziness. Ridiculous.

I talked to my mom about it (which I never do) and she said she thinks Tan is good for me and a good guy, however if he doesn’t recognize this won’t work in the long run then it’s just not worth messing with. She said if she was his mom, she would feel so guilty about taking away from him what she is. Not only me, but schooling and his own kids and a better life for himself. For example, when we were dating, he wanted to move states to go to college to make more money, a lot more money. But his mom would’ve had no one to take care of her and his brother and sister wouldn’t have survived, so he stayed for them.

A couple of years ago he got tired of it and left and moved in with a friend. His mom basically told him she never wanted to see him again because he wasn’t giving her money anymore. Eventually he came back and once the money started coming in she started being nice again. When he came back everything in the house was cut off. Lights water etc and her car was about to be repossessed. Tan paid off her Lexus. (Totally living above her means.) He had $12k in his savings and paid everything off for her.

He’s basically a dad to his sisters two kids and his brother, and takes care of his mom like she’s his wife. He pays all the bills for everyone, including buying stuff for his sisters two sons like car seats, diapers, play toys etc. But, I need my own man. To have our own family and kids... I can’t be a side chick and sharing him with everyone.. they have taken advantage of him for long enough. We talked this through and he agrees and says he’s about tired of it, however I fear that nothing will happen, I actually have a sickening feeling nothing will be fixed and that I just shouldn’t get my hopes up.

It’s kind of like I’m gambling. Either I believe he will actually get it together and it actually works and we live happily ever after, or I believe and get my hopes up for nothing, or I just leave it alone and maybe some day we could get back together.