Im not ok and i can feel myself falling but i cant stop myself.

Met my husband in 2009, popped the question in 2014. April 2017 found out we were pregnant we were so happy id been off the pill for about two years and we had been trying (not actively it was kinda if it happens it happens at first anyway) after starting to get worried tht it wasnt happening it finally did and i was so ready for it its all id wanted for so long and him also. We agreed to have the wedding before baby arrived bcos i wanted to be a proper little family we married July 2017 however we suffered a silent misscariage in the june which broke our hearts i dont think i ever quite dealt with it or came to terms with it, just kinda went off the rails and clung to the hope it would happen soon bcos you know your pretty fertile after..

Well here i am december 2018 staring 2019 in the face feeling no better than i was then..

2018 didnt go too well april i was stressed, having anexity and panic attacks id be like it for a little while but had been covering well when the panic attacks started i freaked out i went to docs got signed off work had bit of a break down. Thought id dealt with things better then but it just triggered another set of events now im sat here i feel like im drowning inside i just want to run away

I just needed to get some of this out