Missing you 💔

Sade

On November 26th, 2018, I put my 7 week old son in the bed with me. I did this every night for the past 7 weeks. Always made sure he was on his boppy and was swaddled super snug. I woke up on that day at 4 in the morning to my little Xavian ... face down not breathing. I tried CPR. The ambulance tried everything... they rushed him to children’s hospital and they tried everything... but he was gone. I miss my son more then anything and anyone in my whole life. I just wish every single day that I could go back to that night. I’d put him in his crib and just watch him sleep... I’d hold him and tell him how much I love him... tell him how much he really meant to me. 7 weeks was not long enough. I’m so broken and lost without him. So full of sadness and sorrow. How am I still going... I feel so lifeless. I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore... my sweet baby boy is gone and it feels like all my fault. I should have never slept in the bed with him... every tells me it could happen in the crib... but I guess I’ll never know that because I didn’t even try to put him in the crib 😔 I love you so much son. Mommy is so hurt... I’m so sorry this happened to you. Your life just began... how did this happen 😔