So this has been something that’s been really hard for me. My husband is an amazing man. a really phenomenal person. he love me, my family, God. everything i could have asked for in a partner.

we had talked about wanting to start a family soon and were very excited. after the loss of our first baby at 6 weeks, i haven’t felt the same. i want to wait until i’m ready for my life to completely change. and while that might sound selfish of me, i want to make sure that we can love and provide the way that i think a parent should be able to for their kid.

shortly after losing our baby, i went down a dark road. whenever i would see a baby i would start breaking down inside. that happened back in August. I was finally ready to accept what we were dealt and ready to try again. come October, i get a call from my dad.

you see, we both work for my dads company. and my dad is an amazing person. my husband and i have different roles. i support my dad and learn more about the business so i can take over one day. my husband is our accounts payable. we’re not a huge company, but average about 3.5 million/year. for us, that’s huge. my dad called to tell me he needed to talk to my husband. my heart sank because i felt like i already knew what was coming.

i found out he had been stealing money from my dads company since July. right before we found out we were having a a baby. and he didn’t stop until that day he was caught. it was a total of about $16,000. i felt embarrassed, ashamed, hurt and betrayed. my family is absolutely everything to me and would choose them over anyone. but in this case, i chose my husband. i tried to be there for everyone. my parents, siblings and husband. but i never have really truly forgiven him.

and now i find myself ending this year sad and empty. i’m no longer happy with the man that i said “i do” to. and i don’t know what to do. do i continue to ride this out? will i ever truly love him in that same way again?

please, any advice would be better than what’s going on in my head!