Cheating or not??

Question

So this is going to be a long post so bear with me.
My husband and I have been together for 13 years, since we were 16. We have been mostly happy and hes given me no reason to believe hes cheated on the past. We're very open about our feelings and have full access to each other's phones etc. Recently we've been having a rough patch cause I've put on a lot of weight and hes not very attracted to me anymore, we've been trying to conceive for 2 years now but only having sex once a month. 
A few months ago he was doing a running race and got chatting to a woman at the start (hes very social and always chatting to random people so it didn't worry me) afterwards he asked if I minded him messaging her to ask how she went, I said ok. Turns out they've been messaging pretty much daily since then, I've read the messages, (without his knowledge) and there is nothing to imply anything more than a friendship but I have asked him twice not to message her anymore (in early dec) and with the rough patch we're going through I don't think it will help the situation. But hes still been messaging her and hes been the one starting the convo. I feel bad cause they're just talking about exercise and their weekends/days etc and the type of stuff that I'm not into but I feel like hes making a connection to her.
What should i do? Anyone else been on this situation? Or have any advice?

Answer

I wouldn't classify it is as cheating if the conversations have never crossed into dangerous territy but stayed strictly platonic and friendly. I think it's highly disrespectful that he keeps messaging her despite you telling him not to, and I think that's where the issue lays. You need to sit him down and tell him everything that concerns you. the conceiving, you not feeling attractive, this woman he's talking to, etc.

Answer

I don't think he's cheating physically yet.  But I think he might be in the beginning (subconscious even) stages of an emotional affair.   She's new, and friendly, and they have things in common.  It will be very easy for him to slip, even if he doesn't intend to now.  
You say you're in a rough patch partly because of your weight gain.   Are you doing anything to try and address that?  If you could develop an interest in working out, you could share that together, and it would help your confidence and his issue with your weight.   Or could you try and develop a new hobby together? Maybe healthy cooking classes, or dance classes?

Answer

If you asked your husband not to message her because it was making you uncomfortable he should have stopped. His loyalty should always be to you and that means not having conversations with other women if you ask him not to. 
This may not be considered cheating but it is a betrayal and he is being disloyal to you, his wife.

Answer

Not cheating but disrespectful. His main goal should be to better the relationship as should yours. I’m not saying to work out solely for him but do your part too. Try going on a run with him, bond how he bonds with her to bring ya’ll closer. His part is to respect you as well

Answer

It doesn't sound like he is cheating, but it does sound like he is getting something from that connection that is lacking in your relationship. If you want your relationship to turn around you have to think of ways you can reconnect with him. You say working out doesn't interest you, but the weight gain is the root of the problem. My best advice is that relationships are a give and take. He seems to be respectful in that the messages have been friendly and platonic. Now it is your turn to do something to mend the relationship. Try to be involved in something that interests him, or start a new hobbie together. Best of luck.

Answer

I wouldn't say he is cheating but I wouldn't appreciate him speaking to the other woman, especially since you have asked him to stop. Have you tried working out with him? It sounds like he has found someone who shares similar interests as him and he likes to talk to her about it, but sometimes that can turn into more. Maybe he just wishes you shared a love of fitness as well? I know I am SUPER into fitness and I have tried many times to get my husband to be into it too and he isnt but I wish he was. Just a thought to help with your relationship troubles! Then he wouldnt need to talk to another woman about it.

Cheating or not??

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