Please bear with me this is a long post. So here lately I've been feeling very emotional, a heaviness on my chest and just not myself. Let's backtrack, I'm a FTM with a now 1 month old. We TTC for almost 7 years then finally got my BFP, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes then had my baby at 37 weeks due to high blood pressure during a routine check-up and finding out I was already dilated. Everything went well during labor but was very shocked and scared to have baby that soon and I wasn't mentally prepared to loose my bump, I was so in love. I had a hard time bonding and had trouble getting her to latch and my milk came about 4-5days later which made me stress over breastfeeding. My mom helps out often but sometimes stresses me out. Husband helps sometimes, when he's off work and maybe 2-3 hrs/day, but mainly is me doing it all. He doesn't get the grasp of PPD or anything postpartum. I feel upset with him at times because I want him to help more as he wanted this so bad when we were TTC. Here lately I've had a couple of on and off horrible, sad and depressing dreams about why people hurt their babies, death scenes from movies that keep replaying in my head, guilt about if I'm being a good mom etc... I wouldn't hurt my baby but whatever it is I don't want to keep feeling it or it to get worse 😔😞. I have my 6 week pp check up in 2 days and I'm scared I'll be put on ppd meds especially bc I've read it can be passed to baby through breast milk.

Sorry for such a long post but really trying to understand these crazy feelings 😐