I give up

I have issues with my dad and step-mum, lots of my friends and teachers tell me that I’m being emotionally abused at their house and it’s affecting me a lot. I really don’t want to go to his house, I have panic attacks whenever I have to go, it’s caused depression for me and it’s affecting my daily life. I get anxiety when I go to the gym, when I get on the bus, when I’m alone in public, when I try to sleep everywhere and I always feel like I’ve done something wrong and I’m dumb and I feel like I’ve lost my self and it’s really hard and I just don’t want to do it anymore. I just want to go on holidays with my best friend and let everything pass but I know I can’t do that because I’m too young and I don’t know what to do anymore. My mum said that I just have to push through and it will get better but it’s just exhausting and I can’t do it anymore whenever I go there I feel worthless, like I’m trapped, like I have no voice or opinion, like I have to act a certain way or else I will be judged or discriminated, I feel scared all the time because I feel like I’m going to get cornered and lectured and it’s really intimidated and recently I had another attack, it was the worst one I’ve had and my mum has to pick me up and I didn’t go to my dads. I wrote him and email telling him why I had an attack and why I didn’t want to go to his house. He was fine with it for a while but them my step mum got involved and it’s turned terrible. I had to apologise for not relying to her message the night I’d had my worst attack in for forever and she told me that the email I had sent was unacceptable and rude and told me that I’m being an asshole about it and I need to think about how I make others feel. That’s the problem, I think about how I affect others too much, I only wrote half of what I wanted to in the email because I didn’t want to cause anymore than I already have but I dot know what to do because I feel so alone over there and I feel like no one listens or cares and that I’m worthless and it’s sucks. I don’t know what to do anymore.