just a little something


i like to call myself a writer but most of my writer is on the darker side and this is just a draft but i need some honest advice cause i’m honestly on the fence about it, cause it isn’t my usual style.

when i was a preteen my step mother told me ‘women date men like their fathers’ and all i could say was ‘no’, cry, and worry. i spent most of my preteen and teen years in fear of becoming like her. she laughed and giggled and told me how perfect her life was to have a man like my father in it and i was confused; i couldn’t understand if she was brainwashed or if i expected to much, but even as a preteen i knew i wanted more to my life than drunken cussins, beatings, and a daily life that is dependent on a mans mood. i didn’t expect what, from how i grew up, was unrealistic; i didn’t expect to be swept off my feet, i didn’t expect a man to cook for me, a man who enjoyed a clean house, a man who makes me laugh and laughs with me, a man who values my pleasures, thoughts, beliefs, and dreams. i didn’t expect a man who did not get angry and throw things, a man who did not yell harsh words in my face and laugh with every flinch, a man who is gentle and kind. i didn’t expect a man to consider me his equal instead of less,a man who sees me for me at both my best and worst. i didn’t expect a man to truly love me. this was until i was 16 years old and unhappy with life, unhappy with the world, and unhappy woth myself. he stumbled into my life and charmed me with a smile and a wink, he listened to me and actually listened, he cared about the words i had to say. he asked me how could someone treat me badly, how could someone ruin a chance with a girl like me, he asked me if i was okay.

he asked me if i was okay.

he showed me what it means to actually care, he opened up to me and allowed me to see his vulnerabilities, he saw mine and loved me even more. he told me i was beautiful and made me believe it. he taught me what it felt like, what it meant, to be truly loved. to be valued as a person, an equal. he changed me for the better and made me see the beauty in everything.

he is magical, he is truly divine.

he makes me think of a future with white picket fences and stability. he makes me excited for each and every day. i love him with all of my heart.

when i was a preteen my step mother told me ‘women date men like their fathers’, and i was distraught, but now after my father abandoned me and i accepted an unhappy home, i was gifted the unexpected. i found a man who taught me the actual definition of unconditional love. i was gifted beauty in an ugly world. ❤️