He doesn’t think I can

Mallory • Mountain life! Momma to a hound, cats, and human as of February 😄

Ok, maybe I’m just posting because my feelings are hurt... But honestly I’m a little shocked at what my boyfriend said to me last night. Sorry in advance for the length.

We were driving home and he was telling me about this podcast he was listening to with two of his favorite comedians, who are a married couple, and how they had some guest comedian on who’s going to be a new mother soon. I’m currently 33w4d. Apparently the wife’s biggest recommendation to the pregnant woman was to get the epidural. Personally, I’d really like to NOT get it if I can help it. Ideally, I would like a 100% drug-free birth. We’ll see what happens when the time comes but whatever. I thought he was aware of this fact but apparently not. He looked shocked when I said I didn’t want an epidural.


“...Because I think I can do it?”

“Oh. Well I would get it.”

But you don’t even have a uterus???? Like ok, I’m sure you would, but I don’t want it? Then he just like didn’t say anything, waiting for me to elaborate on WHY I thought I could do it. I explained to him that there were pain relief options between natural and epidural (gas and air, sterile water injections, IV pain meds, etc.) and he was like oh cool.

Then I told him that my mom got an epidural with my second youngest brother and it almost totally failed for her. It didn’t work at all on one side and only 50% on the other.

Again, he was just like mhm.

Then I told him how a portion of women who get an epidural have long term back issues - my back is already awful - and even if the placement goes perfectly there’s still a chance of damage being done.

His reaction was to make a face and ask how common that was. I told him I wasn’t entirely sure on numbers but it was enough that I heard about it frequently.

After that, all he said was “Well, still, I would get the epidural. Really. It’s something to consider.”

At this point I was positive he was telling me he didn’t think that I could do it. I glared a little bit at him and said “Ok. Honestly, I’m not expecting it to be the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. You know about my arm.” Twice in my life I’ve felt every single nerve starting in my neck, going down my arm, and into my hand die off and then regenerate. It was a year long process both times and I spent both years in a sling, doped up on Percocet. I’m sure labor and delivery will probably come close to that level of pain but not totally there. I dunno. Solid chance I could be wrong.

All he did was tell me that was a weird flex. Frustrated, I said “That wasn’t supposed to be a flex. I’m just saying I don’t think birth will reach that level. What is this attitude you’re giving me?” He tried to say he wasn’t and that he just thought I would want adequate pain relief.

Ladies, this man has zero idea what he is talking about. This is both of our first child and he very rarely reads anything about pregnancy and birth. He has the <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.nurture">nurture</a> app but hasn’t opened it in months. Am I being the annoying one here, believing in myself? Am I cocky? I’d really appreciate honest opinions. Did I not provide enough valid reasons? I’ve been stewing over this since then and I know bringing it up to him again would just make him confused about why I think it matters. I’m sure he’s already forgotten.