So it's coming on the 6th cycle since my loss. 👼🏽 It was my first pregnancy, and I was in disbelief, as it happened with only the second month of trying. I feel like I took it for granted, as it seemed that getting pregnant was easy. I thought it would be more stressful at the time to quit smoking, big mistake, as now I feel responsible for snuffing the potential I had away. I know that may not have been the reason, but I feel it could've been a factor. It happened during the super blood moon last July when I was visiting family whom I hadn't seen in two years, and I know I smoked more than usual during that time. TMI but when I saw brown, red, and later small clots, I started cramping, and was throwing up +++ My sister was there for me, trying to give me hope, and get me better.

When I went home still cramping and passing small clots, I decided to get serious about TTC. I researched and ordered the best supplements, herbs, and vitamins. I stopped smoking and started eating healthier, I even bought a few books related to fertility. I went overkill with it, doing the most without the intended result. Just a depressed and deflated feeling, BFN after BFN. I know it's still early, and some of you have struggled with TTC for much longer. I just didn't know what I had till it was gone! I've been trying to replace this void to no avail., perhaps, trying too hard is causing me to fail.

Perhaps, I'm putting too much pressure on myself, and I need to shift my focus. Something concrete that might help me therapeutically, so I ordered a real born baby👶🏽. It's being made, and i'm expecting it to arrive in the next month. I'm so excited, I can't wait to see and hold my fake but realistic looking baby. My man thinks it's crazy, and he doesn't even know the expense I paid for it, 🤑hehe, or else I would never hear the end of it. Am I going crazy? It's giving me something to look forward to that is already bringing me joy to think about. I figure being less stressed will increase my chances.

Good luck🍀, and baby dust to you all! ☄TTC #1, bio clock ticking @ 2 months into age 34, rainbow after the storm🌈