I find sex disgusting

Hello ladies,

Please don’t laugh at me or don’t think I’m crazy. I just really am brutally honest and desperate for someone to enlighten me on this subject “sex” . I’m married for the second time. The first time as much as I loved him when it was time to get in bed I cried and pushed him away. Whenever I try to let him enjoy it I would make him turn off the lights and we still have to have a blanket on top and he has to finish it ASAP. If he took too long I would start feeling disgusted and push him off me and run to take a shower. we were like that for many years until i decided I wanted a divorce. So couple months later I got remarried, i realized it’s much better this time, I’m not sure why. A few months later that situation came back, I didn’t mind a one time a day but my husband would ask for sex at least 4 times a day and he is very serious about it. So I tried my best to give it to him. But when I couldn’t take it anymore I got back to my old way of pushing away and crying and feeling disgusted. My husband likes sex a lot and likes it hardcore too while in the total opposite. We’ve had so many issues over this and it only seems to work when I give him what he wants, ask for it and pretend that I want it. Anyways I don’t want a divorce because I truly love my husband and I do want this to work out and I do want to give it to him as much as he wants but how? Anybody have any tips. We’ve only been married for a short time (2 years) but only stayed together for couple months because of the visa process I had to leave him to come back to USA. But I want to take this opportunity to change a lot about my self. I want the next time I see him to sincerely want to have sex with him. Ladies any experience on this? Is it normal? Any advice I would really appreciate it. Also is there any type of pills or meds or herbs that would help with my “low sex drive” as he calls it. Please let me know.