My wife sent me this message this afternoon while I was sleeping. She is so heartbroken. We had a miscarriage in June and in Nov.

"Hey babe, good afternoon.

I'm texting you this to give you a heads up. If you wake up to me and noticing that I am either quiet or down it's because today is Zadkiel, our son, & our 7th baby that we lost together due date. I'm really struggling with it. I had a hard time going back to sleep due to it. I miss our son so much. I can't really explain how much I miss him without crying and I really do not want to cry right now due to how tired my eyes are. I know you said it is not my fault but I am going to say it anyway... I'm sorry I lost your little boy. I'm sorry that my body couldn't carry him to term. With all these miscarriages I am shocked that you are still with me. I figured you would of already moved on to find someone else who could give you that opportunity to have a son that you have always wanted. I would understand if you did. 💔 I still have this in my head... I lost our son in June and Savannah gets blessed with a son and is pregnant on our due date.. God, this hurts so much. It's like our baby was given to Savannah & Allan. I know you said that we will have a baby but I would have to see it to believe it since I have lost ALL hope. I'm only trying again because you don't want to give up and I would like to see my baby being held by his or her father. I never got to see that first meet. It's like all my dreams are being passed down to other people. The reason I chose the beach is so that we can finally do that balloon release. I think it would be beautiful at a beach. I am sorry I have a hard time blessing you with a child. I feel like that broken wife. Do you consider our angel babies a blessing? Could you please tell me why? I feel like if you wouldn't have met me that you would not of lost a lot of babies and wouldn't of suffered as much pain as you are now due to it. I probably still would because I'd be putting another man through it. I put Xavier and my ex husband through it. It's why I always blame myself. Im so very sorry that our baby is sleeping on a cloud and not in your arms. I'm so sorry that Allan is a constant reminder that he has something that you always wanted. Im so sorry that you get your hopes up each time I got pregnant. Im so sorry that each Dr appt we went to that the baby wasn't there. And the reasons I got so jealous that time I was at the hospital with Savannah and Allan was like how is my baby boy doing... Is because I want that with you. I want you to check on our baby. I want you to touch my belly even when I am not showing. I want you to talk to our baby even when then baby can't hear our voices yet because we don't know when our baby will slip away. When I was at the hospital with Savannah, our baby was already in the process of dying. I know you said stop saying if... But if I lose another baby, I want you to leave me and be with someone who can give you a child. Since I have a broken body. I think my ex boyfriend was happy that I left because another woman gave him a daughter that he has always wanted after I lost Zendayah. Maybe my ex husband now has a family too. It would of probably been best if no man would be with me due to not being able to carry a child to term. Especially if the man wanted a family. I don't know if God had closed up my womb or what. Im so sorry that we keep adding a stuffed animal to our babies memorial instead of adding a baby to our family. At Dorsets office when they did the ultrasound, I saw your face. You looked so very heart broken and sad... While I was laying there I was wondering what could of I had done to prevent this from happening. I'm sitting back against the wall in our room trying to keep it down so you won't hear me crying. I'm sorry that I gave birth to our lifeless baby in the bathroom. I'm just so sorry. Im sorry that I just can't bless you just like your ex wife blessed you with your daughter...

I'm so sorry that my body has all these issues and that whatever issue it has keeps stopping our babies from growing. I got this on my mother's biological mom side of the family. I wished sometimes that my mom would of miscarried me...

While my new nephew learns how to crawl & walk... Our baby learns how to fly... Instead of birthdays we are doing memorials... Instead of wanting to enjoy holidays, we are in deep sorrow. Im so sorry Garrett. Im so sorry that every time I try to bless you with a child, our child's heart never beats. Please reply to me as soon as you can... 😭💔😭"