Hi everyone. I’m sorry this is long but PLEASE if you can take the time to read. I need your ladies advice please as I have nobody to talk to this about.

I’ve only had one relationship from the age of 22-25, and it has been long distance only seeing each other twice a year. He’s an incredible man and we are on the same wavelength, have the same goals, morals, humor, he’s my best friend and I am his. I trust him entirely and I could go on and on. However, throughout the relationship I’ve had small concerns and worries. But then I’m like - I can’t expect him to be perfect, if these things that bother me weren’t there he’d be perfect and nobody is perfect!

It sounds stupid but as a teenager I’d write stories about this guy I’d marry and his features and personality and such. My boyfriend is almost word for word those things except for a few things I’ve noted in the past 3 years. So like - oh my “dream story guy” didn’t do this or look like that, does that mean he’s not the one? Ie he’s not the manliest, strongest man in the world. I feel he is special, my soul mate. I see my future with him, I can’t imagine ever finding someone like him. However, the few things he isn’t makes me wonder if I should be thinking more about my bothers or if they really are just a part of a normal relationship?

So question please for those more experience - is it normal to be in a relationship with your guy and still have concerns or bothers pop up from time to time? Is that just totally normal and not a deal breaker? I’m SO scared of having to get divorced one day. I’m so much happier when I’m physically with him but I don’t get to see him or be around him more than a month or so out of an entire year so it’s easy to forget how I feel around him when it’s so long between visits.

I genuinely don’t know why people break up other than infidelity, wrong timing, falling out of love, not on the same page, etc. so I feel like my concerns aren’t a big deal but then I worry my concerns are valid and someone with more relationship experience would know that. Why did you break up with previous partners?

Something mostly that has bothered me over time were things like him being a bit of a big kid. He jokes about a lot and gets excited messing about with the toys in Walmart, is very much a mommy’s boy, and still has a few childhood toy story toys in his room. I always knew he had childlike whimsical ways about him but I always liked he wasn’t afraid of that, but he is very wise where it is important and communicating about things in our relationship. I know he wants to take care of me and doesn’t want me being the “stereotypical wife” cooking and looking after him. He’s traditional he wants to take care of me too - and he does.

For example we communicate so well, if I’m ever having a hard time he listens and calms me down, helps me through, supports me (though he went through a stage of being a little jealous of my career success at one point though never told me this and congratulated me throughout and always supports my successes) and I’ve told him all my concerns. I’ve been pretty brutal to him being honest in the past and he doesn’t shut down or get mad, he listens and tries to better himself. He doesn’t get defensive or expect me to take care of him, he doesn’t fit the “man child” criteria other than the fact on the surface he seems like a bit of a kid..and my parents point this out to me. But they don’t get to see him, literally twice a year for a few hours here or there. They judge him on the surface when they don’t know what he’s truly like (though my mum has ALWAYS liked him!)

He still lives with his parents (he’s 28 - in the UK it’s virtually impossible to afford to move out in your 20s if you’re not married) and he loves toy story. In September We went to Disney world and both dressed up and disneybounded and he went full on woody costume and was being a bit of a huge kid living his childhood out. He loved the attention he’d get in his costume from the kids and people. I’d just started the nexplanon implant at the time and found things he did or acted irritating which I hadn’t felt on any other trip. I went from wanting to marry him tomorrow the previous two times I’d seen him to not being so sure anymore and seeing him as just a kid most of the time. I hadn’t had this before which leads me to believe it was a combination of the implant, disneyworld crowds, and heat. It seemed we’d fall out whenever we were there but no other time.

Been together 3 years. Before we first met we weren’t sure how to make it work as neither of us suggested moving. We decided to meet in person anyway and hit it off even better in person. On his first visit to me he told me he’d move. His second visit he quit his job to come and see me as he hated it. He knows what a mistake this was but ended up getting an even more amazing job he’s been at for 2 years now. Anyway, he ended up for most of our relationship knowing he would have to move but could not decide now he had an amazing job and super close to his family. We were going to give it one more year, August 2019 for him to decide or it would be over. However I decided in November 2018 to end the relationship as I couldn’t bare wasting more of my life with his indecision to choose to move countries to me.

We’ve been separated for 2 months now and it has been horrendous. However, over Christmas he made the decision to move over to me in 2 years like we’d planned. I just found out. I’m amazed he’d be strong enough to do it as he isn’t the strongest or most “manly man” in the world. My parents hate him for taking that long to decide, that I deserve better and that I need someone who would give up anything for me. (But I feel that unfair because I wasn’t moving or giving it up for him!) I told him my parents aren’t happy with him and he called me and said “I need to fight for this and for you and explain myself. I can’t just give up and they deserve the respect of being told face to face”

But after all this pain of losing him I’m worried. He’s not going to come over and see me until I’ve decided on this. I really feel I need to see him again because it’s so easy to forget how happy I am when I’m with him. But I’m afraid after his last visit and how irritated I got with him (I genuinely feel the nexplanon changed me and I’d only had it a month when I saw him again) i saw him more of a boy because we went to Disney and it was hot and crowded and stress and ugh.

Do I just give up now? Or see him again and see how it is? My parents absolutely hate him now for taking a month to decide to move countries, say that i deserve a MAN not a boy, that I am successful and deserve better, that he’s a weasel. My parents especially my mum ALWAYS liked him but they tend to forget what he’s like when they don’t see him for months at a time. My mum even said this once. He’s been so good to my family. Driving hundreds of miles for us once to help us when we were back in the uk. I know him better. We didn’t break up because we weren’t working, but because he wouldn’t move. Now he will. Should I take him back and try again? I’m just afraid of it not working and just begun back to square one with heartbreak again. Thank you so much for any advice.