When to Stop?

Question

FTM and trying to figure out at what point I need to just not fight anymore. My supply is fine (if anything there's an oversupply) but my nipples are a tad on the flat side. 
My 3 week old girl has a good strong suck but a shallow latch. I also get WICKED headaches when we feed and I cannot get a good latch. When I do get a decent latch she fusses and pushes away. When she does stay it hurts and I can't figure out if it's a bad latch or a vasospasm (I'm thinking spasm as it'll be both nipples hurting during and 15-20 min after.
The odd time I've been able to get her to feed for 15-20 min but usually after 5-10 min she decides she's done and then barely an hour later she's bawling again.  I don't blame her for fussing. I know she's not getting the hindmilk to stay satisfied and I wouldn't want to fight with my flat nips either. 
We've tried all the tricks and positions and a shield, too. Half the time with the shield I think all is fine and then I realize it's not and find half the milk she's sucked out has dripped down my side. I've had multiple lactation consultant visits and they just said Im doing all the right things. Keep at it. 
We tried committing to exclusively breastfeeding for a weekend to establish ourselves. We were both a mess and she started losing weight even though she was still generating enough diapers. 
It just feels like all the things against us. I know I can pump on a schedule and still feed her on demand. We can still do tummy time and all those other things. I just feel awful at the same time because we have all the pieces to breastfeed but just can't seem to get into a groove. At what point do I just say enough and just stick to pumping? How long do I keep frustrating us both attempting to breastfeed?

Answer

If you want to stop, stop. 
Don't force yourself into doing something that makes you stressed or unhappy. It sounds like you've tried and done everything that i could suggest. 
I guess the only thing i can think of is making sure that as much of your areola is in babes mouth as humanly possible. I think that i finally got the hang of it around 3/4 weeks.  I was relying on my son's "instincts" for his latch. Come to find out that his instincts needed help. I had to pinch and shove nipple in and flare out his lips to get a good latch. Every time. Even when he was over a year, there would be times where i would have to poke more skin in his mouth or flip a lip out.

Answer

I know you mentioned you’ve worked with an LC, but has baby been evaluated for a tongue/lip tie? Your experience sounds somewhat similar to mine, I didn’t get the diagnosis until baby was nearly 6 months old and then everything made sense. I honestly don’t know what kept me going but I’m glad I did- baby is now 15 months and I can not imagine not nursing her. It pretty much sounds like you’ve made up your mind to exclusively pump, which is amazing and commendable and also a ton of work, but I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone!

Answer

Hey mama. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I exclusively breastfeed and it was hard at the beginning, but you have gone through so much more than me. If that were me, I would have already given up. Mothers can be resiliant, however, so kudos!! Find a local support group or even a Facebook group led by breastfeeding gurus (I personally love milk it baby). And maybe they can help with ideas.  If it becomes too much, there is absolutely no shame in formula feeding. I wish people didn't give mom's a hard time either way they fed their babies. Your baby can also sense the stress. So do whatever makes you feel calm and sane. There is way to much worry out there for us mamas and feeding shouldn't be one of them. ♡ good for you for reaching out. Congrats on your baby!

Answer

There is nothing wrong with exclusive pumping. You do what is best for you and the baby. My preemie couldn't latch for the life of her so I ended up exclusively pumping for 7 months until going back to work tanked my supply. It was the best decision I could have made.

Answer

I had such a hard time breastfeeding at first. 1. My boobs are huge 2. My nipples are also flat. Have you tried feeding her laying down? I pinch around my nipple and stick it in her mouth. It’s so hard. I know. But it gets better if you keep working at it. Some days I’d cry of frustration. Breastfeeding is just fine for me sometimes but awkward in a way at other times. I used a shield the first 4 weeks and I absolutely hated it. And just one day I said nope, we’re not using this anymore. If it’s too much for you then stop. But I was so determined to breastfeed.. I didn’t stop and we’re doing just fine now! Do what’s best for you!

Answer

dont give up yet!! It took almost 2 months until my son actually started solely breast feeding!! It just happened out of no where and now he wont even take a bottle

Answer

I hate pumping so much, so I’d probably stick it out.  Though, if you hate breastfeeding and prefer pumping then there’s nothing wrong with that.  It just ends up being a lot of work.  
A baby wanting to nurse every hour (or less) at 3 weeks old is very normal and doesn’t mean that she isn’t satisfied.  My first born pretty much nursed 24/7.  I remember at one point I couldn’t take it any more and I unlatched her and put her in her crib and she cried and I sat outside the door crying. I just needed a break, but I ended up feeling horrible and guilty. It’s a difficult, emotional time and mom’s are overly hard on themselves.  But it gets so much easier if you can over the hump. I’m nursing my fourth (and last) baby now. 
You can try ibuprofen for pain and I think once your supply settles a bit her latch and pain will improve. Sometimes babies pull and/or shallow latch when there’s an over or under supply. Or you can pump. Or use formula. Whatever way you can best enjoy and love your child is the right decision for you. You have so little time while they are little, don’t make it a miserable time.

Answer

Is pumping an option for you? Maybe that’s a good solution since you still want to give babe breastmilk. There’s no shame in quitting, but I’d hate for your hard work to be a waste. I know you mentioned a lot if the milk runs out while she eats and my son does the same thing. He cannot keep up with the flow so he makes such huge messes. He still gets plenty to eat.

Answer

Use a pump for 5 seconds to stimulate your nipple to pop out, or pinch a little bit of your nipple when baby is going in to latch so that way you're pushing more areola into their mouth. 🙂

When to Stop?

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