I’ve just recently found out that one of my best friends tried to kill herself last week and I had a bad feeling but was told she was just sick. I feel so stupid for ignoring the bad feelings for not realizing that she was drowning or just not being a good enough friend. She got help and now is really happy which is great whereas I’m here wanting to die literally searching up every pill I have in my house hoping one of them can kill me. I’ve been cutting all weekend literally like every minute and I can’t stop. I want to ask for help but at this point it seems impossible so I instead pretend like everything is ok and tell my friends I’m happy and that everything is ok. I feel so guilty and I just don’t feel like I deserve to be happy, to get help, to live.