Traumatized after C-Section! *long post

I had the most horrific experience trying to bring my baby boy into the world! After pushing for two hours the midwife decided that I may need a c-section.... meanwhile my epidural had emptied out and I was in excruciating pain and was told by the obstetrician to see if I could keep pushing to see if there was a way she could get him out. At this point I’m shaking uncontrollably and crying and screaming I can’t do it! So they finally said okay were taking her back... I felt every tug,push,pull and I started hyperventilating because I was so worked up. I was literally thinking in my head I’m going to die but I have to live to meet my baby! I pleaded with them to help me because I felt like I was losing all of the breathe out of my body. I’m just so traumatized and I cry thinking about it.. 4 days post operation and I know it’s going to be a long road ughhh