All I’ve ever wanted is a family. Nearly 4 years with my amazing boyfriend, wouldn’t change him for the world. April 2018 we decided to come off the pill and try for a baby. June 2018 our first month TTC, on holiday in Majorca. We were successful, we got pregnant! Found out at 3w1d. We had so much love for our little baby from the second we found out. We booked a private scan 25th July 2018 at 7w. The most magical thing in the world, hearing your babies heartbeat for the first time. Never been so happy & relieved in our lives. Everything was perfect. Spent the next few days looking at prams and talking names. Fast forward to 31st July 2018, the bleeding started. 2nd August, another scan. Our worst fears confirmed. Our precious little babies heart stopped beating 4 days earlier, just 5 days after we heard it for the first time. Devasted, broken, crushed, our world came crashing down never to be the same again. Our little one had gone, we will never get over the pain. We will never forget our little baby, we will forever love and remember our angel 💕

Now January 2019, nearly 6 months later. We’re ready to try again. Only thing is, I’m not having periods! I’ve had one since the miscarriage and I’m so ready to give up now. I’m not ovulating. And I don’t know what to do to start it all working again! I’m trying my best not to stress. Ive joined slimming world to lose weight in case that’s the problem. I just don’t know, I’ve had enough of it all. How are we supposed to move on with our life and get our rainbow baby if my body won’t work!!? The doctors won’t do anything until we’ve been TTC for a year. We’re only young, I’m 22, my partner 27. I know we have time and there’s no rush, but wanting something so bad and not being able to get close is so frustrating. Especially when I know people who didn’t even want kids but managed to get pregnant so easily. It’s hard to not be jealous.

I used to be regular. I used to have a period every month. And now, nothing? Surely something is not right. Lack of hormones or something. There’s no other reason to explain the absence of my periods.

Sorry for the rant 😘