Ok so my parents fight and have ever since I was little when I was little I used to leave the house because they would be yelling and slam doors and stuff than bring me into it now I get panic attacks when they do I have no clue why because I should be used to it but I'm not the panic attacks keep getting worse I have alot of panic attacks it's not only when they are fighting and no one knows about them im also depressed and when they fight I beat myself up about it probably because they always fight about stuff I've done even if it wasn't me and stuff that was when I was like 5 I have 2 sisters and they never fight about them when I was little they would lock me in my room for the day or night with no water food and I couldn't go to the toilet they stopped doing stuff like that but they sometimes say stuff like my dad once said he wouldn't care if I killed myself I don't know what to do anymore and I don't want to leave but I can feel myself giving up even more every day it's been to the point where I've tried to commit suicide but one of my friends have stopped me they have all left me I don't want to talk to anyone about it and I don't trust anyone enough I have a therapist but I don't tell her I tell her stuff like at school and when people bullied me (I'm homeschooled)