No love child for me..

I’ve already posted, but have no one to talk to. I have kids. But my dh doesn’t. He supports the whole family financially, & lately we have been going through a lot.

When we met I told him I wasn’t having more babies. He said he loved me no matter what. But he wanted to be a father his whole life. When he was 12, & ppl asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he said “a dad” 🥰

Over time he talked me into ttc. By the time I changed my mind, I was full crazy. I chart bbt, I use opks, I track cervical position & mucus. And 7 months of nothing. Which is crazy bc I had 2 pregnancies on the bc pill & only had sex one time & fell preg. We even had his sperm tested & he’s ok.

Well. He told me a couple weeks ago he doesn’t want to have a baby anymore. I was so confused bc 1) I had just ov days before & he knew it. And he tried to get me preg! So.. why??? And 2) every mo when I got af, he would walk around sad all day. 3) he had our “sons” name picked out already.. & 4) the only reason we got married so fast is bc we started ttc & he refused to have a baby out of wedlock.

I truly believe it’s not him being frustrated w ttc. We have too much sex the dr said. And it’s not bc we want a baby. We just always have done it daily & have high drives. The dr told us to try & wait 3 days before ov & we could never wait more than 1 day. So it’s not like we’re lacking passion.

I’m secretly worrying he just married me so fast & doesn’t like being a dad now that he has kids (step kids).. Or that he thinks I’m a bad mother & doesn’t want to have a baby w ME.

I tell him everything. No one has ever known me so well. But I can’t bring myself to talk to him about this. Bc I want him to be happy. And I don’t want him to feel any unnecessary stress. But I want to have his baby soooo badly. I have dreamed about telling him I’m preg for a year now. It breaks my heart that I can’t have a baby with the only man I’ve ever truly loved.

Sorry got the novel...