Is my wife in the wrong? Pictures

Question

Update- I told my wife the truth and how I felt about it. She started crying and she said that she needed some space away since I went through her stuff and clearly don't understand the way she is feeling. She packed her bags for about 3 days and went to her grandparents. I feel so bad. My daughter is in school too.
I saw my wifes journal and I read where she said she can't love my daughter as her own. She wrote that she wishes she could and no matter how hard she tries she just couldn't but she does care about her well being. 
My wife is so good with my daughter. She takes care of her 24/7. My ex wife abandoned our 6 year old daughter for sex and drugs when she was about 2 and a half. My wife now got into a fight with her online because she wanted to adopt her but my ex wife refuses to give up her rights because she thinks one day we will come to our "senses" and let her "TRY" to be involve and help take care of her. My daughter doesn't even know her. I have sole custody. She's a year and a half behind child support. She refuses to pay because the money she gets is for her to live off of. She owes $250 a month plus $50 for medical. She told me that she has no way of coming to Texas to visit her because she cant afford it. She gets visitation once a month for 4 hours but doesn't even try and she said she lives in a small camper. My ex wife cannot keep it together. I refuse to let her speak to my daughter on the phone because the last time I let her do that she would only call once a month. And I don't want my daughter getting confused on who she is and she just refuses to help with her. She is in New Mexico.
She is freaking 25 and my wife is 22 and has been raising my daughter with me since she was 19. She's made all the doctor appts, birthday arrangements, school meetings, helps with homework, bathes, changes, and feeds her. She hardly does any discipling. She feels obligated that only I should do that. My daughter is very ODD and she is a handful. We have had issues with her for a while too but my wife has stuck by our sides. There are days where my daughter would put her in tears but she still stuck by our sides.
She's taken her to the hospitals for when she got very sick. She's done all that for her. I mean she is really good with her. I was just wondering if she is in the wrong for not loving her? I am on this app because we have a couples glow account.
Her and my daughter 2018

Her and my daughter 2016

Answer

You’re in the wrong for reading her private journal. Sometimes you can love someone very much but it’s not the same as if they were your own flesh and blood. That primal instinct of bonding with your own.
It sounds like it tears her up inside to feel that way and now you’ve betrayed her trust by reading something that obviously wasn’t meant for you to see.
If she is as wonderful with your daughter as you say, it shouldn’t matter that she’s having a personal struggle with this. If anything, you owe her an apology.

Answer

Honestly no.  It's a completely normal feeling.  Besides, to start raising a child (that's not your biological child) at age 19 says a lot about her character, her love for you and for your daughter.   Not everyone is cut out for that and I give her a lot of respect for it.  For all you say she does for your daughter, there's no question that she does love her.  
I find it very concerning though that you were reading through her PRIVATE journal.  You had absolutely no reason to read it and it's a betrayal of confidence.  So now you're going to have to make a decision. Either let her know what you found and deal with the consequences of it, or learn to let it go and accept that she has a right to what she feels.

Answer

Honestly I don’t think she’s in the wrong. I completely understand where she’s coming from. When I was 21 my now husband has a nine year old boy. My husband was 29 years old at the time. It’s been six years and I’m still there. My husband has sole custody of his son because his sons mom was in the same boat as your ex. Sex, money and drugs is all she cares for. So I take him to school, wash his clothes, make him dinner, wake him in the mornings. I do ALL the “motherly” things for him. EXCEPT discipline. And it’s frustrating. I love he kid. And I do care about him so much. But he also has issues with ADD, Bi-Polar, Depression, and Anxiety. He’s on meds for all of the above. God forbid I try to get him to focus on his homework, or ask him if he took his meds, or insist that he eats....suddenly my in-laws make me out to be an evil step mom. Nothing I do is ever right and yes I have also been broken down to tears many times. I do the best I can with him. I’m 27 and he’ll be 16 next month and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly “love” as my own. I do love him tho. And I care about him deeply...but I feel like for me to love him as my own, I should be able to treat him as my own and I don’t feel like I can. So it’s hard. Just be patient. Maybe her feeling will change in the future. It’s just not easy.

Answer

She said she can’t love her “as her own,” which is sad, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her. A journal is where people put their most personal thoughts or thoughts they need to get off their chest, so you should avoid peaking at it.
She’s not wrong in her feelings especially since her actions are proving differently.

Answer

I think you need to just take a step back here and lay your worries to rest because this woman seems like she loves your child with all she’s got. Just because she doesn’t love her like her own doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her in a different way.

Answer

You’re in the wrong for reading her journal!
And there’s nothing wrong with your wife, she was being honest and thought no one would read it. She’s doing everything right.

Answer

It sounds like love to me. Maybe she just doesn’t feel like she ‘thought’ loving a child would feel.  For me, it’s an emotion that grows and changes over time. It’s more of a choice you make every day than simply a warm fuzzy feeling. 
It doesn’t seem like your partner does all that out of obligation 🤷🏻‍♀️. A diary is a place for people to let out emotions or worries, and sometimes what they right comes across a bit more dramatic when written in the heat of the moment. If she was tired and frustrated at the time she might feel totally guilty for feeling that way, and equates it with a lack of love.

Answer

Not everyone can love other kids as their own AND that’s ok! I’m sure your daughter doesn’t feel lack of love with all that she does for her which is love btw! She’s clearly struggling with the thought that she thinks/feels she doesn’t love her as her own. I’d comfort her because she clearly cares. It’s not wrong because you can’t control your heart in that way. 
ALSO in certain circumstances you can’t a step-parent adoption without the consent of the bio-parent. Like in Cali if the parent has been 100% absent for a year or more you can file for one. Look up your laws in Texas on this. 
I’d also get counseling for your daughter because even if she doesn’t have recollection of her bio mom it’s still affected her & I don’t doubt that therapy will even help how your wife feels. Be patient it’s a lot to deal with emotionally. I know because I have a step-son & it’s very draining walking into something & trying to pick up the pieces to something we didn’t break & keep it all together AND still deal with the bio-POS who’s like your ex. 
Good luck & love your wife even more!

Answer

Doesn’t sound like she doesn’t love her sounds like it’s just not the same love as if she had given birth to her. She clearly loves and cares about your daughter . I would just let it be and understand love comes in many forms! I understand it may hurt to see her say that and hard for you to understand and she is your daughter but giving your wife troubles over this is going to be what ruins your marriage 🤷🏻‍♀️ just remember every one is allowed to process their feelings differently.. also I would petition the courts to have the birth moms rights relinquished threw the courts!

Answer

As long as she is a good parent to your daughter that is all that should matter. You cannot force her to love someone that she doesn't love. It sounds like she is a very good step mom that takes very good care of your daughter. Don't throw that away over what she is feeling and why are you reading her journal? And your ex wife sounds like a irresponsible dead beat. Js. 😂

Is my wife in the wrong? Pictures

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey