So over the summer of 2017, i was 16 and started dating a guy who was a grade above me but only 6 months older. We both decided very quickly that we were meant for each other because we had so much fun together, we would sleep over at each other’s houses all the time, we traveled together once i was 17, and even had our parents behind us when we decided that we would move to LA together after high school. His dad had WAY too much money and even told us that he would buy a house for us to live in while we were both in school. I would drive him to his appointments and he would wait for me at mine, and we were pretty much inseparable. From an outside perspective, that was all anyone could see, it was great, i was happy, i had a plan, he had a plan, we made each other laugh a ton, and to anyone who saw us, it would never seem like anything else was going on under the surface. Unfortunately, when we were alone, he would guilt me into having sex with him up to twelve times a day, he would tell me things about myself that i had always been insecure about and then say “do you want me to lie to you??”. In January of 2018 he had sex with me while i was asleep in his bed. According to him, i had said, in my sleep, that i wanted him to fuck me and so he did....that’s all his story though and who knows what actually happened because he was the only one there for it. He told me about it the next morning and i panicked, locked myself in his bathroom and cried. We dated for another 6 months and during that time, he continued all his patterns, introducing new ones into the mix like his friend who he asked to hook up while we were in LA on vacation together behind my back. He told me that when we first started dating he thought i was ugly in the morning but now that he knew me better, he thought i was beautiful. Simultaneously, while we were dating, i was quickly realizing that i have endometriosis, i had always had suspicions, but it got worse while we were together, and if anyone here knows what endo is like, you know that sex 5 times a day (or even 2 times) is like death to your vagina. One time he even tried to pull out my IUD by the string, resulting in a hospital visit for me. We finally stopped talking in june 2018 but then got back in contact, enough for me to catch feelings for him again in august. The last time i spoke to him was probably octoberish and i realized that i was making a huge mistake by talking to him and told him that if he tried to talk to me again, i would bring a restraining order into the equation. And now here i am, 8 months later, and i’m still not over it. I feel like he took parts of me that i will never get back, things that i really liked about myself after suffering from depression and anxiety for my whole life and doing work to find positive aspects of my life. I just feel like i’m not myself anymore, i have no friends because i’ve been in a state of rage and i can’t keep friends anymore, i feel lonely, and most of all, i miss him. I really wish that i didn’t but i truly miss him and it is the worst feeling because after everything he did, and after all the pain i have endured, i still want to be with him more than anyone else in the world. I don’t understand my mind and i wish so bad that i didn’t feel this way.