I just have to rant....

Well, I’m at this crossroads where I have to make a pretty big decision. I have to decide if I want to tell my mother I’m pregnant.

A little backstory:

My mom is a super radical Christian. Just an example her prayer calendar had a day of the month that instructed her to pray for the spread of Christianity even if it meant woman and children were to die. As a Christian myself it made me sick, it revolted me further to see that she circled that day for special emphasis.

She’s also a ‘recovered’ alcoholic. I say ‘recovered’ because she is known to relapse at which point she usually has a jug of grog stashed away. She’s also known to cheat on her husbands and has pointedly informed me that she had 5 abortions during her last known relapse (lasted for ten years). She’s had three separate 10 year periods of heavy alcoholism. All three were followed by very radical Christian ‘devotion’. During her second stint as a Christian she was caught cheating on my dad. She still doesn’t know that we know.

Now she’s found God (for the third time) and has repented her sins and is above them now. She now has the right to judge those that are less holy than herself 🙄.

I also suspect that she is suffering from mental illness. She has eluded to being able to hear Jesus and God. She also whispers prayers under her breath when she thinks no one is watching. I’ve pleaded with her to seek help. She refused then relented and saw a Christian therapist who did nothing but reinforce her behaviors. So now the only way you can really get along with her is to live the way she wants you to live. Like to the book.

Now what makes me nervous about telling her I’m pregnant is her reaction. The way she reacted when my daughter (who didn’t know any better and should have been able to tell her gma the exciting news) let slip that my fiancé had started living with us her reaction was borderline aggressive.

I’m afraid if I tell her I’m pregnant she could become dangerous. Or she’ll tell me that the baby is doomed to hell because of its sinner parents. Yes she thinks of me as a sinner/infidel. So I’m trying to decide if I should tell her and deal with the backlash. Or just cut her out of my life. My stepdad who I told already said she’s going to hate me the rest of my life regardless. So idk.