I’m not one to ask advice from strangers, but maybe someone who reads my story can give me an idea of what I should do about this situation, because I’m finding it difficult to make the decision on my own. And this subject is too sensitive to be discussed with even my closest friends and relatives, now I’m in need of an outside option.

So here we go:

My boyfriend and I have been together now for just over 4 months. My last relationship was 4 years, and I feel like I’ve experienced more in this short time with my current bf than I did in the entire length of my last relationship, and at first I thought that was a good thing.

I’ve never been one to let things move as quickly as they have with this guy but it felt right and I thought nothing could go wrong. Until something went wrong.

He threw a party a while back and long story short, he and a couple girls got a little too drunk and he must have forgotten that he wasn’t talking to me when he invited one to lay down with him, while the other girl already had her arm around him while they were drunkenly on the floor. His roommate saw it all, and knew that I was seeing the same thing so tried to give him a subtle nudge like “Hey, dumbass, your girl is seeing you do this stupid shit and she’s pissed” so he called me by name to make it clear I was in the room and suggested that I go lay down with him. That’s when I felt such a rage come over me that I said no thanks, and stormed off to his room and slammed his door so hard it woke his downstairs neighbors. Since that night, my trust in him and in other females around him has been very limited, and almost nonexistent when there’s alcohol involved because he obviously forgets what he’s doing.

What does that have to do with my suspicion of him cheating on me? Well, I’ve had this doubt in the back of my head now that anytime he drinks and I’m not around that something similar will happen. Or because I worry so much about it that it’ll push him away and that’ll be what does it for him and he’ll actually cheat on me.

But lately I’ve been noticing behavioral changes and against my better judgment, I took to Google and started reading articles about how to tell if it’s actually happening under your nose or not, because how do you just ask someone if they’re cheating on you? They can absolutely lie and then flip the situation on you, making you sound crazy and like you have no trust for them.

I thought at first my problem was that I just didn’t trust other females, because the whole thing at his party was 100% those other girls’ fault (because truthfully they weren’t *that* drunk anymore, and they both have a thing for him, so makes sense that they take advantage of that situation right?). Now, it’s not just those two. They’re out of the picture, thank God, but new threats have introduced themselves and when I try to call out the bullshit, I get accused of purposely trying to make him feel bad because he’s not actually doing anything, which is mostly true. But then I noticed texts from an unsaved number-that belongs to a neighbor that his roommate is sleeping with- and how all of a sudden there seems to be something worth hiding on the phone, which was never really an issue before. If it’s just texts, that’s one thing. But we don’t live together, I live on the complete opposite end of town from where he is so when I’m not here, what’s going on? Or what COULD go on?

Am I being paranoid because I’m not totally over this distrust from several months ago and can’t really talk about it? Are all of my suspicions substantiated because deep down, he could be capable of this kind of thing? Do I cut bait and run now? Do I wait long enough for either me or someone else to catch him, or let him end it on his own?

Because again, how do you just ASK someone if they’re cheating on you?

Unless you have the hard evidence, you just look crazy and like you have trust issues, but the human brain works in really shitty and mysterious ways sometimes, so once the seeds of doubt are sewn, it’s only a matter of time before they grow into something bigger and more parasitic.

So if anyone has either been in a similar place as mine, or has unfortunately caught someone in the act before and is just a really good detective, I’m asking for guidance and some way to achieve peace within my heart and in my mind.