I had a miscarriage last July and it has taken a while for me to come to terms with it. My husband and I are now planning on trying again but I am so scared. I am so scared to go through what we did again, I'm scared of the test being positive, I'm scared the test will be negative, I'm scared of the constant fear I will have, I'm scared of every cramp/twinge that it might be another miscarriage and I am so scared there won't be another wee baby for us.

I feel like I'm not just grieving for the baby we lost but for the care-free, ignorant bliss I had before this all happened. I want to be over the moon when I see that positive test but I feel like it is going to be cloaked in so much sadness for the past and anxiety for the present that I don't think I will be able to look forward to a future that might not come.

I am so scared.