So sorry for the long post but I think I need to process this- and you ladies have been a great support so far! I have a 2yo and this is my first miscarriage. I think the hardest thing is that I’ve been trying to move forward but with my complications it just feels like it’s never ending! So I went for my first ultrasound on Wed 1/9. I was 8w6d and there was an empty sac. We were devastated! I had bloodwork that day and again on Friday 1/11. I checked my results online so I knew my hCg dropped and was prepared when I went in to see my OB first thing on Monday 1/13- It was a blighted ovum. We discussed options, and I liked the idea of mistoprolol because it would allow my body to miscarry naturally but still that I could have some control over the when/where. And since there was no baby I thought that would be easiest for me. I was already planning a day off work on Friday 1/18 and decided to do it then. I bled and passed clots into the night and it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. Had some spotting and light bleeding the last several days. And emotionally was starting to move to a better place.

Well, yesterday I was at work and stood up after a meeting at 2pm and started bleeding heavily- with large clots. Super embarrassing to try to figure out how to leave the office and get home as I had completely bled through my pants and underwear and was nowhere near an easy exit to the building or my car. I figured it was just my body finishing things off. Got home and immediately got in the shower. But it all escalated. I was dripping bright red blood soaking through pads and passing clots the size of a baseball. I called my OB and of course they sent me the the ER. My husband came home to take me and my parents were able to pick up my daughter from daycare and keep her overnight. Got there at 3:15pm and they admitted me at 6:30pm for observation to see if the bleeding would stop on it’s own. Through this whole time I’m just sitting in a puddle of my own blood and clots that just kept coming.

Once I got to a room- I can’t speak highly enough of the nurses, my OB, and care I received. They were so supportive and caring and kept me clean and warm- Essentially changing my diaper every hour since they didn’t want me to pass out by standing up (definitely humbling!). The bleeding continued. Almost passed out a few times and my hemoglobin dropped significantly. So I had an emergency D&C at 1:30am this morning. I was discharged back home today and will take a couple days off work to recoup.

I’m feeling much better physically but I’m feeling such a setback emotionally. Kicking myself that I didn’t opt for the D&C in the first place. And being retraumatized by the last 24 hours. My husband and family and friends have been amazing, and I do believe that God is with me and hears me in the midst of this suffering. It’s just really hard feeling like I’m trying to do the best I can- but like feel like I can’t catch a break! Thanks for reading. It just helps to be able to say all this.