We almost lost our son today. It was a normal day in every way, his dad and I were home. Suddenly I realized the back door of our second floor unit was open. We heard him humming but couldn’t find him anywhere. We checked outside, rooms, closets, everywhere, moving as fast as we could.

I ran upstairs to the third floor deck - an open rooftop, under construction. I didn’t see him. How could he have made it up the 25 stairs on his own, anyway? The panic is setting in. Dad runs upstairs, I go back down. We can’t hear him anymore. Soon Dad comes back holding our son. He was on the third floor construction level, outside of the concrete wall, standing on the ledge. Standing on the ledge, with a three story straight drop down onto concrete.

He had gotten out the back door, climbed the stairs to the third floor deck on his own, and found his way to the edge of the roof within minutes. If he had taken one step forward, he would have fallen to his death. If Dad had scared him when he approach, the same outcome. If we had been one minute later, it could have been all over.

I’ve spent most of the day hugging him, crying, or trying not to throw up. I’m pregnant with our second baby, and struggling with feelings of extreme stress, inadequacy, fear, and intense sadness. We’ve put extra baby gates up, ordered more, vowed to lock doors that exit the house, and be more careful in every way.

I’m not sure why I’m posting this, whether it’s to warn parents to not delay on any action they think might safeguard their beloved children (it had crossed my mind to seal off the deck, but our son is not allowed out the back and has never been before so it didn’t seem urgent).

Whether it’s to confess my horrible lapse in parenting and that I almost watched my son die today due to a negligent mistake.

Whether it’s to encourage you to hug and kiss and treasure every second of your children, even if they’re driving you nuts.

Whether it’s to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and how long it took them to recover.

Thank you for listening, please hold your babies extra tight and be thankful for every day of life.