These are strictly MY opinions. I am aware that everyone’s situations are different.

This is mine:

My daughter is three years old. Her father and I were together five years, but have been separated for almost two.

FOR THE MOST PART, we get along fine. I have since married (currently going through a divorce but not the point 😅) and I am pregnant with my second child. Her father has had a girlfriend for almost one year (she is young with no children).

I have accepted said girlfriend since the first day I met her. Actually, I am the one who INSISTED on inviting her to my daughter’s birthday party last summer (this is where we first met). I included her in the party and introduced her to all of my family. Fast forward to months later, I even bought make up off of this girl. Included her in important text messages involving my child, asked her to be in our Christmas picture etc. I have never ONCE spoken one ill word of this girl.

THEN things derailed.

My daughter’s father and I went through a pretty rough patch. He has a history of drug and alcohol abuse. A situation occurred where that issue of his involved the drop off of our daughter (not going too far into detail). I immediately took action and filed for an emergency temporary custodial agreement.

ONE QUICK SIDE NOTE: this was the first time I ever took any sort of legal action against him. I have always tried to be understanding and work with him on his issues, but this time crossed the line for me because it had the potential to harm my child.

Said girlfriend began posting pictures of my child on social media with all of these long, sappy words. Calling herself “bonus mom” and my child her “bonus daughter.” Speaking illy of me to others about my parenting and how I am keeping my daughter away from him.

That is all I will say about our background history.

Now here is my rant:

I was raised by my step dad and even decided to call him “dad” BECAUSE MY BIO FATHER WAS NOT IN THE PICTURE. My daughter has a mother and a damn good mother at that. Your job is to love my child and that is all. What I say goes, and even if it is hard for you to accept, you still have to ACCEPT IT. Because she is MY child and I make the decisions that I see best fit for her. You signed up for this when you made the choice to date someone who had a child.

I do not believe in those “bonus mom” and “bonus child” terms. I find them to be very disrespectful to the biological parent. I also believe that becoming a “step parent” is EARNED. I do not believe that it is an automatic title. You must prove yourself to the other parent and the child before you earn that name.

One last point, whenever she is around my daughter’s father it makes coparenting damn near impossible. I can’t even speak to him about preschool options for her without her having to be right there. Or even drop my daughter off at the front door without her being right there behind him. He always acts so differently towards me when she is around. Almost like he hates my guts. But when she isn’t around, he is so understand of my choices and always kind and respectful of me as her mother. I find it to be very concerning and immature. It is ruining every ounce of our healthy coparenting relationship.

End rant.