A year ago this week, we decided it was time to have a baby. A year ago, we got all hyped and excited and started imagining life as parents and designing the type of nursery we wanted. A few months later some tests came back from my doc that said I’d need medical intervention to get pregnant so we started Clomid. It made me so sick but I saw how many women got pregnant within two or three rounds and told myself it was worth it for a couple of months because soon I’d have a baby. A few months after that, the hormones and mood swings were really getting to my mental health and I took two months off the pills. To my amazement, the second month off the Clomid, I got pregnant! But my joy only lasted one evening, because by morning the test lines were nearly invisible and the next day were gone. We tried again the next month and then had to take a month off while my tonsils were removed. Now I’m in another TWW that I know so well. I thought I’d be okay with it by now. Some days, I feel like I’ve accepted that now just isn’t my time. But then there’s days like today that I just want to cry. It doesn’t help that everywhere on social media everyone keeps talking about abortion and all I can think is how much I want a baby. Then today at lunch, I saw a stupid post from a young mom about how it’s so much smarter to have kids young and how the rest of us are going to regret it and I had to give every ounce of energy I had not to burst into tears in the break room at work. There is a bittersweet part of the day too. A good friend just had her baby and I am over the moon for her. But it still hurts. My best friend is an angel and she’s currently pregnant. I’m the godmother and she’s basically said I get to share this baby while I wait for my own. It helps. But it also hurts. I work with toddlers and they bring me the sweetest joy all day long, and they fill that nurturing void for a while, but it kills me to send them home and know that I won’t get to watch them grow up. So it’s just one of those days, and no one understands unless they’ve been there. And it’s so personal that sometimes it’s easier to share with a stranger than with a friend. If that makes sense. Anyway, I know many here have felt that ache and still feel that ache. Thank you for this community because it helps me not feel alone today. ❤️