YOU GUYS, I NEED HELP😭😭😭

I’m trying so hard to leave my emotionally abusive relationship.. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years, but he is another level of crazy and things have been really bad between us. It’s a lot more serious than I can sit here and explain, and I’m aware of it. I haven’t seen him in a month, we each went on vacation during Christmas break and haven’t seen each other since before then, which is about a month ago now. I’ve tried so hard to avoid seeing him, because I’m trying so hard to find the strength to leave him. He is so bad for me. But.. the sex. He knows my body perfectly. I lost my virginity with him, so he’s the only person I’ve ever been with but I swear it gets better every time. And it’s been a month since we’ve done it, and I WANT HIM SO BAD. I hate myself for it. I know he’s so bad for me, I know he hurts me so much.. but I can’t help it. Maybe it’s cause I’m on my period right now so I’m 10x hornier 🤣 and he keeps telling me he wants to see me and I’m so close to giving in. Jesus Christ. I don’t know what to do, should I just give in one more time 🤦🏼‍♀️... I feel so stupid for this 😂