Didn’t go on my first day

I haven’t worked for the last 2 1/2 years... other than warehouse here and there but never even a month. I have MDD and Anxiety. But I finally found a job that I’d love and after three long hard days of training I was suppose to start today at 9am. When I woke up I felt sick and so nervous. I felt soo much fear I couldn’t even finish getting dress. I broke down, I spoke with my mom for little but she had to leave. I’m beyond frustrated and I’m so hurt. I need to work I want to take care of myself I want to be able to do the things I love. I’ve made a lot of progress but not being able to work to provide for myself makes me go down into depression and makes me even more scared. I don’t know what to do. I have changed my eating habits not completely but a lot. I walk my pup play. I don’t get much sleep. I use to go out with my family and ya always a blast but lately my anxiety is keeping me from even that and I just don’t understand.