Im to the point where I hate everything about myself because of how bad I am and all the things I do, I literally cant stand it. Im such an angry, unhappy, bipolar, depressed, suicidal ass person.

I HATE HATE HATE IT.

I have no control over any of it.

I've tried medications, Ive tried counceling, Ive tried praying. Ive tried it all. And all results are always the same. I lash out on my husband a lot more than I should, I cry more than I need to, I break shit, I become bitter and hateful. I have No Chill....

I than start to feel guilty as my kids see this person that I am (been like this since I was a kid) and I than feel guilty and really start hating myself and beating myself up because I feel like Im such an unstable mother, mentally.

I hate these feelings.

I hate that when I look back, Im acting like my mom so much and I despised that shit for so long... It makes me want to leave and disappear. It makes me want to give up my babys so they can have a good mommy.. It makes me want to kill myself because I hate feeling like this every single day, for no apparent reason.. I feel so trapped in my own body, I dont know how else to feel. I feel like I cant even express whats wrong with me cause most of the time, I dont even know whats wrong. i just dont know what life I have in me to fight for anymore 😳