I feel guilty.. TW

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I feel so guilty for feeling this way about him.. We’ve been talking for two months and someone I know would tell me ‘he’s always talking about how much he care for you’ but recently he’s just been busy or doing whatever and leaving me on read, not texting me back for several days and just doing stuff like that.

Now me.. I’ve been texting him but I’m not even in a good mental state I’m basically faking everything and just hoping it will be fine. I’ve been starting to restrict my food to where I don’t eat for 16-20 hours a day, I eat lunch, and then dinner and then I’ve been going to the gym to try to burn most of it off. Then I’ve also relapsed for self harm.. and when I don’t do it I have strong urges to do it. I think it’s because I lost my grandfather on the 9th to suicide and the weekend before I had my grandmas one year since she passed and my other grandfathers memorial the next day.

I haven’t told him about the restricting and the cutting though. I haven’t cut in at least a week but there aren’t scars. I feel like I should text him and see what’s going on with us.. and possibly tell him about what I’ve been doing. Please give me advice.