& she isn’t even here yet 😔 I made a STUPID decision tonight and I’m regretting it so badly. I feel like absolute shit. Here’s the story- prior to finding out I was pregnant I was a smoker (a pack a day) for 8 years. I smoked a cigarette about 20 minutes before I peed on the pregnancy test that first told me I was going to be a mommy and I didn’t smoke anymore.... up until tonight. 😣 My husband & I had my brother and a couple of his friends over last night for board games... while cleaning up tonight I found a pack of smokes that one of my brothers friends had left here. I am currently 28 weeks pregnant, and honestly since finding out.... it really wasn’t difficult to not smoke up until about 2 weeks ago when the cravings began to hit me HARD. Like, crowd my every thought hard 🙄 But I’ve been able to power through them (with the help of my hubby) until tonight. When I found the pack my husband told me to throw them away since they would be to big a temptation, but I convinced myself & him that I’d be fine and would just put them up in case my brothers friend wanted to come get them... in hindsight I was definitely just giving myself access to them/the option to smoke... well my husband fell asleep about an hour ago and my dumbass slipped outside and lit one up. I only got about 6 puffs in before immense guilt flooded every fiber of my being. I immediately threw the pack away and now I’m laying in the bath just crying and feeling like an absolute fucking failure to myself and more importantly my daughter. & of course she won’t move for me, which I know is just my paranoia getting to me.....

I guess I am just writing this to vent and have myself a pity party for being so dumb. The only positive thing I guess this brought was that I feel so absolutely shitty now that I have ZERO cravings again for damn cigarettes and will NOT be doing that again.... so not even worth it, and idk what I was thinking....

If any other mamas out there struggled with an addiction previous to becoming pregnant and has successfully quit during her pregnancy.... KEEP GOING. Do NOT give in. The pain & regret is overwhelming more powerful than ANY payoff that you think you may get. A few sips/drags/hits WHATEVER are NOT worth it. 😔

Sorry for the downer post... hopefully this helps anyone else who may be struggling with cravings... and if anyone else has gone through something similar I’d love to hear from you all so I might not feel so alone and pathetic right now. 😣