My first time actually posting, although I've been a long time reader in the group.

Now that I'm in the last 30 days of this pregnancy emotions are running rampant.

First off, this pregnancy was completely unplanned, and I didn't even know I was pregnant until almost 17 weeks, upon finding out I actually planned to have an abortion paying $700 in office visits and the day of said abortion I panicked... I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was so afraid because I hadn't had any prenatal care, had drank up until I found out I was, and I have been on a medication for years that I was worried would have harmed the baby so I thought abortion was my only option, my best option. I'm glad I didn't, not a day goes by that I regret walking out of it. I did however choose adoption, I thought it would get easier to accept, after picking a family and all but so far the closer I get the harder it is like I'm trying to prepare for the hardest day of my life (completely alone) and I have no clue what I'm even preparing for because I know deep down I'll never feel heartbreak like I'm about to. I have a 6 year old whom I raise 100% by myself, and I just cant imagine had I gave him up. My situation is even more complicated due to the biological father of this new baby being from a 3 year intense affair (please don't judge me, I'm not proud but I'm doing the only thing I know is right, right now). I'm so lost, and scared, terrified, heartbroken, my depression is at unspeakable levels. I'm afraid of delivery, I won't have anybody there because the only person I do have must watch my child, and the only place I can deliver due to my medication is an hour away, so this is the first time aside from school that I will be away from my child, especially overnight. Anyway, I dont know why I'm posting, maybe just for myself... to get it out, maybe to find hope that this will all be okay and I've made the right choices, maybe not. I'm unsure of everything in life now.

Thanks for listening. 😞