Last night, I cried in my husbands arms for about an hour.

I cried and mourned for myself..

I told him “I’m truly traumatized by my pregnancy... I know that sounds dramatic but I really think I have PTSD.”

When I was pregnant, I hit the ground running at 5 weeks 5 days while terrible nausea and vomiting. I thought “okay 🤷🏼‍♀️” this is normal and will subside after the first trimester.

No.

It persisted and got worse as time went on, I was hospitalized and given fluids after vomiting up blood, just to be told “that’s normal” and given zofran which did nothing.

I got an ear infection at 12 weeks that was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced, (worse than my labor). I went to the ER again, was given antibiotics luckily and it cleared up the next day!

I spent my 21st birthday vomiting all day, and falling asleep at the table of my birthday dinner praying to keep down what I ate.

I missed out on an entire 9 months of memories with my husband from pure exhaustion and lethargy.

I realized last night... I was severely depressed. I don’t recall a single truly happy moment from my pregnancy. Not one. I had glimpses of joy when I found out the gender, and got a 4D ultrasound. But as for ME, myself as a person.. not one.

THATS NOT NORMAL.

I wish I would have spoke up. I wish I would have told my doctor. I wish I would have said “I’m depressed, please help me!” But I had too much pride. You don’t hear about being depressed while you are pregnant.

It’s a thing. And it does require treatment.

PP I feel like myself again immediately. I’m so in love with my family and myself again and truly care about myself! I can eat and sleep again. I can laugh and play with my husband! I want to see other things besides the insides of my eyelids.

I wish I could go back, and tell myself you don’t need to be depressed to make a healthy baby... but I can’t. And I’m going to be healing emotionally from my pregnancy and how much I hated it. How much I hated myself and how much I hated being alive.

If any of this sounds familiar! Please ask for help!! Therapy, clinical help, more emotional support!!! It is not normal to just float through your day because you are pregnant! You matter! You are still in there ❤️🥺🥰