I'm 16 years old. I used to cut myself, my scars have faded almost completely, I tried to kill myself one year ago in May and told my mom right after I took the pills. I was so scared of hurting other people. I stopped cutting myself bc it hurt my boyfriend. It hurt him to think that me cutting myself meant that he wasn't enough but that's not what it meant at all. I cut a couple months ago. Just one cut. My boyfriend saw it and got upset. He smoked a cigarette which he had stopped doing. Tonight I had an anxiety attack, I scratched my arm and it went away. But I could see all of my scars from cutting so much and I told my boyfriend and he wasnt as upset as I thought he would be. So that's good. But we both know I need help since the only way for me to end my anxiety attack is to hurt myself. My dad won't make me an appointment with a counselor. Given the fact that we don't have much money and my step mom is making him remodel the house I can see why he hasn't. But my mom could help out right? She's a nurse. She makes good money, I went to therapy when I lived with her and it didn't help much but that's bc I lied to the therapist about a lot of stuff. This time around I won't bc I want to get better. I don't like to say I'm suicidal bc I wouldn't kill myself but I do have thoughts of doing it. I want to stop existing. I wish I was never born. But I don't want to die, I want to be here with Moses (my boyfriend) and live my life with him and start a family. But I don't want to feel all these anxieties and depression when we start our family. I want to be stable. And I'm not stable at all rn.