So, to start off I have irregular periods since I went off my birth control back in October ‘17, had scanty periods every month for about 4 months (when I say scanty, I mean 2 days of spotting and that was it!) and then NOTHING for 7 months, I got diagnosed with HPV March of ‘18, and found out I had precancerous cells on my cervix, so fast forward to September ‘18, I get laser treatment done to get rid of the abnormal cells, since the doctor said it would be better to get since my husband and I have been trying to conceive since our wedding day in April (not sure if it worked won’t know until the end of February), and then 5 days after the procedure I finally had a normal period, 7 days long it was wonderful!

Now, fast forward to today, I haven’t seen a single spot of blood since the last day of my last period (October 3rd ‘18) and I don’t know what to do!

I’ve taken tests to rule out pregnancy, and every single one has been negative, so now I don’t know how to even go about getting help since I only have women’s Medicaid and that only covers pre cancer screenings and Pap smears, and I know that the chances of getting pregnant without a period is really slim since every time I’ve talked to a gyno about my nonexistent periods I get told “if you aren’t bleeding you aren’t ovulating.” Like I don’t already know that.

So now I’m seeing all of these posts on Facebook of people finding out they are pregnant, friends and family, and having newborns, and I’m over here with a jacked up cervix and no periods. I feel like I’m hiding depression from everyone, because honestly this whole issue is making me feel down in the dumps. I want to have a baby with my husband, we have 3 kids already, his son from a previous marriage and my two from previous relationships, and I don’t know what to do to take my mind off of everything, how to get my body to reset itself in hopes of having periods every 3 months over every 7, so I can finally have my last baby I’ve been wanting for 8 months now.

Is it just me who feels that way? I mean is it supposed to be this hard in your 30’s to have a baby, to have normal periods, to be told what is wrong with you? I just needed to vent, and could use some kind words. 😢❤️