*****

UPDATE:

I've been at my parents for about two hours. He cried a lot. I asked him if he'd rather take a break or I pack up my things now and go.

I guess I should mention that he's not an addict or anything and he's been honest since I found out about everything, it's just that one incident with coke.

The rest is just kinda simple things that happen where I get upset and no matter what it is, I can't be upset. He's always defensive, even if there's nothing to be defensive over.. he has an explanation as to why I shouldn't be upset and he can't just apologize..

I guess it's just kinda built up. The past few weeks I've tried to tell him that I'm unhappy with hour our tiny arguments affect me and how I feel as if my feelings just aren't important. Every time, I feel again, he has a reason as to why I shouldn't feel this way - even after explaining the way he response to my feelings.

And I do not feel as if I'm an over emotional or overreacting. I have always told him how I feel as I feel it - when deemed appropriate, so obviously not straight up in public but as soon as possible. If I felt like interaction between him and a stranger (and I mean STRANGER) was inappropriate, I made it apparent as soon as anything happened.

*****

So my boyfriend and I have been having issues basically since the beginning.. For literally almost the same things.. Sorry, but this will be long.

First off, we started as FWB, nothing more as he stated he never wanted a relationship (he just got out of a year relationship), we were also coworkers on a small team. Even though we were only FWB, I expected the same from all my FWB (call me a whore if you want, I got tested routinely and didn't have straight up one night stands or anything). During the time with my now boyfriend, I was sleeping with someone else, they both knew there was someone else. Those were the only two guys I slept with at the time.

Fast forward to 3 months of dating, I found out he slept with another girl (whom we worked with) to prove to himself that he didn't have feelings for me - which he supposedly couldn't get it up, therefore, he asked me out like two weeks later he said.

To me, no, that isn't necessarily cheating but it's a major disappointment that he kept it from me, especially since I know the woman..

During this whole time, we've smoked together (marijuana) and I've expressed that I'm open to trying some things as I've just never had the opportunity to, but not certain things like meth, heroine, cocaine, etc.

Come to find out he lied about doing coke and such about 5 months into the relationship. Long story short, about a year and a half into the relationship, I tried some just to see why he was so dismissive about the issue (he was present, I told him that was exactly why I was doing it. He did not partake).

Another night, our friends asked if we wanted a line. I thought about it but was going to talk to him about it later because I didn't want to have the conversation in from of our friends. He ended up straight up asking me. I literally glared at him and moved to the other couch. So then he did a line... Like what?

Since then I've been trying to talk to him about my feelings and how I feel that I honestly don't matter and come second to whatever he wants to do. We've been together two years now.

I'm going to pack up my stuff when we get home from work today and go to my parents house for the next few nights as we both have the next two days off..

This may turn into us breaking up, but I'm hoping not. I really love him and I'm hoping this may give him time to think about what he wants. If it's not me, so be it, I just want to know now. I feel as if nothing has changed and I need to do something for anything to happen.

This isn't a two way street and I'm so sick and tired..

I plan to come back Wednesday night, if he wants me to, so we can talk.