In the past year i have gone through a lot of turmoil. I fell in love with a guy who jad a girlfriend. He lied about being w ith her until we already got together. Then for two months he drug both of us aroumd until i finally made him choose and he chose me. I feel bad for her obviously but i loved him.we were dating for a couple months until he got arrested for something that he did. He had a tendency to lie to me and cheat on me. I got pregnant in this time and i miscarrried but instead of being with me and helping me mourn the loss of our child he had sex witb other women. I dont know why i accepted hom back but i did. Then he got arrested the night mt best friend tried to kill herself. While in jail he continues to lie to me and try to hurt me so i decided to leave him. Well i have a guy best friend too. We decided after i left the guy in jail that we would sleep together and that turned out awful. I caught feelings and now we are in a relationship but i feel like he is still in love with his ex too. I want him to be happy and i want my ex back because even though he fucked up i wanted to marry him. But now i really love my best friend. And im scared to let him in because i have this feeling that im not enough for him. That one day jes going to wake up and im not going to be pretty anymore to him. Because like he says im the biggest girl hes been with. That makes me hate myself. I hate being fat. I feel unloveable because i get an attitude sometimes when he says something and then he gets one back because of my attitude and im just so alone. But if you read all of this thank you i really needed to rant. And anyone who can help talk to me id love that.