December 28th you left my life, leaving in the back of the sheriff's car.

I hated you that day. I didn't care what happened to you. We both put our hands on each other for the last time.

January 3rd you come back into my life.. I'll always despise you for that.

For the few days you left me alone I felt great. I was sad at first, but I got over it.

New year's I hung out with old friends, went to the movies, and went out to eat. I laughed so much I could barely breathe.

With you I'd forgotten how to truly laugh or smile. I became depressed and started to hate myself after years of building myself up.

You came back into my life.. begging, pleading that you'd change.

You told me after I left on December 11th that you were doing drugs. I knew you smoked alot of weed, I matched you every time. I knew about the extacy, but I thought that was a one time deal? You lied and kept it hidden. Multiple times a week extacy, loratabs.. and even meth.

You started telling me about your life and things you never told me before. Things you'd lied about and kept hidden for the last 6 months.

You and I come from such different walks of life. Our values, views, and opinions differ from one another so much it starts an argument when it shouldn't..

You are insecure and jealous. Something I cannot deal with. You are controlling and manipulative.

I'll scream and cry that I hate you, but tell you I love you the next day because you cry if I don't..

I don't know if I love you anymore, or if I love the version of you my mind created when we first met.

Im starting to believe your body is just a temple for the version of you I fell in love with. The lie.

I don't know if I still talk to you because I want to try and make things work because we have a child on the way or if it's just what I'm use to.

7 months of talking almost non-stop and 4 of those months living together in a dingy basement apartment.

I can feel when you're trying to guilt me into staying when I'm crying, begging you to let me go.

Tonight..

Tonight was the final night. You finally let me go.

You're putting all the blame on me, saying I never gave you a chance. I gave you too many chances while we were together.

I cannot do this anymore.

You send me a message telling me you hope in happy that I killed you and our family.

That my son will grow up never knowing his daddy. To he honest with you? I'm okay with that. I've been okay with it.

Someday I will explain to our son why daddy was never in the picture. It will be one of the hardest things I'll have to tell him, but at least he won't grow up to be like you.

You try to put all the blame on me.. but you're the one who started getting physical with me. You're the one who would start fights only to drug yourself up and want make up sex..

You're the one who broke my heart when all I wanted to do was show you love.